When the choice is unclear

I arrived at work today and was taking my time "warming up my computer" as L and I like to call it - translation: catching up on personal emails, blogs, etc. - when I came across an email from a friend that I used to be very close with. Until one day I wasn't. You see, we had planned a trip together with a couple of our mutual girlfriends and this trip was supposed to be a girls weekend away from it all. This particular friend tried to ruin the weekend by turning it into an event that focused all on her. What she wanted to so. Who she wanted to be with. Where she wanted to go, without any consideration for the rest of us. When the three of us refused to play by her rules, she turned on us, accusing us of ganging up on her. And she said hurtful things directed toward me, as her closest friend, that really hurt me and caused a very large breach in our friendship.

I actually went through a period where I grieved for her. I felt so betrayed and "left behind" almost as if she had died. And then I forgave her and the hurt she caused and I've moved on. I've heard from her on and off since then, but just superficial emails under the guise of just catching up. Until today's email. Seems she wants to come and visit. And I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Ever since that incident a year ago, I feel as if I don't really know this particular person anymore. She displayed a side of herself that, up until then, I had been unaware of. She turned into a Mr. Hyde character right in front of my eyes and it really surprised me. And I hate surprises.

Now I am faced with a decision. Do I want this person back in my life? Usually the answer would be so easy for me, and it would be NO. I have always prided myself on my ability to walk away from hurtful people; I have a great deal of practice protecting myself from being hurt. And it would be so easy to walk away this time, too. But a part of me still misses her - the her I knew before I met Mr. Hyde - and all of the fun we used to have.

So I'm going to give it another go. And hope her Mr. Hyde routine was just a momentary lapse in judgment and that we can go right back to where we left off. She wants to come and visit this weekend. We'll see how it goes.